Wake up!

Wake up!

I can think of this phrase being used toward me in two distinct ways. Firstly, my mother shrieking at me – desperately berating me for not getting out of bed sooner, the constant nagging (oft-realised) fear of lateness. I’m reminded of the time my Mum burst into my bedroom at 3.20am (yes…AM) to startle me awake – I’d missed the rendezvous with the school exchange trip leaving for Switzerland. We were due at school for 3am….quickest morning I’ve ever had. Have you ever overslept? Struggled to rouse yourself from deepest recesses blissful slumber? My colleagues and I have to be in chapel for 7.30am each day – the latecomers do not go unnoticed!

Then secondly, I can think of people’s response to my naïve assumptions about the world and its workings. My idealistic naiveté getting in the way of accurate assessment – met with the words, “Wake up, Rolf! Get real!” A real call to understanding and right thinking.

All humans are similarly called in these ways. On the one hand we’re asked to be alert, to be present, to be ‘on time, whilst also being reminded to understand and see things for how they really are. Wilful ignorance is one of the greatest threats to humanity – we allow ourselves to be told, to be spoonfed and be misled. And our diets of consumerism and individualism lead to drowsiness and slumber. We are, if you will, asleep on the backseat while we let someone else drive the car.

This is why the great Advent cry is of such importance to our spiritual (and therefore whole) wellbeing.

Jesus spoke in stark terms about the future of humanity. He painted a bleak, depressing image of the world:

“On the earth, nations will be in anguish and perplexity”, and “your hearts will be weighed down with carousing, drunkenness and the anxieties of life, and that day will close on you suddenly like a trap.” (Luke 21:25, 34)

When we look at the world today we are immediately struck by the confusion and pain. How do we respond to such ‘reckless hate’ seen in the attacks across the world, the suicide bombers? How do we tackle the threat of violence? With more violence? And what are we protecting? A consumerist madness where we worship sales and bargains and deals? At what further cost, when the leaders of the nations are assembling to consider climate change and the ongoing damage to the environment? Violence. Consumerism. Poor stewardship.

But before we get the impression these ‘evils’ somehow exist outside of us, in the great beyond, out there, in ‘other people’, let us be clear that this same evil that grips the hearts of others, grips us.

We too have angry, rage fuelled thoughts. I get incensed at the slow driver, the poorly organised queue in a coffee shop, the disruption to sleep.

We too are driven by individualism and consumerism. I’m prepared to buy books from a website knowing that its employees are treated as nothing more than cattle – just so I can save a few pounds, or worse, get it sooner. I am willing to dehumanise someone just so I am not inconvenienced?

We too are poor stewards. The food I throw away. The clothes that are replaced. The unethically farmed meat. The heating left on all day. The lights not turned off. The hospitality not gifted. The love not offered.

 

That is why Advent is a penitential season. For it is only when we wake up and see both the state of our hearts and the state of the world that we truly see the need for a Saviour.

Advent is not a make believe season. We don’t pretend to be Jews waiting for their Messiah. It is not a preamble to Christmas – it is the real deal – it is about God working in our lives.

We need a Saviour now!

 

So Advent is most especially about preparing our hearts to hear afresh the wondrous news that God HAS COME. Much like in Lent, where despite knowing we live in the shadow of the cross, we use the time to prepare for a fresh sense of awe and wonder at the mercy and grace God poured out in and through the cross, so Advent must also be a time where we are prepared. We come to acknowledge our desperate brokenness.

And yet, it is also, most profoundly, about an acknowledgement of the world’s brokenness.

This is the root of the cry, ‘Come, Lord Jesus’. We don’t pretend we’re living two thousand years ago, watching and waiting. We look on our 21^st century world and sigh in pain and sorrow.

We try to bring something of God’s Kingdom to those around us. We believe the Kingdom of God is within us, is growing, is glimpsed at in the loving relationships around us.

But, O Lord, we are also painfully aware that God’s Kingdom is not yet here.

 

Advent then forces us to pray, with increasing fervour and intensity, “YOUR KINGDOM COME!”

 

And he will!

 

Jesus speaks about the future return of the Son of Man:
‘²⁵ “There will be signs in the sun, moon and stars. ²⁶ People will faint from terror, apprehensive of what is coming on the world, for the heavenly bodies will be shaken. ²⁷ At that time they will see the Son of Man coming in a cloud with power and great glory.

²⁹ He told them this parable: “Look at the fig tree and all the trees. ³⁰ When they sprout leaves, you can see for yourselves and know that summer is near. ³¹ Even so, when you see these things happening, you know that the kingdom of God is near.” (Luke 21:25-27, 29-31)

These words “concern the true eschatological event, the coming of the Son of Man, which…is the “fulfilment” of the kingdom of God, the moment when God’s rule becomes definitive.” (Johnson, 1991, p.330)

The waiting game though, is hard. The Parable of the faithful and wise manager (Luke 12:42-28) reminds us that one temptation is to ‘beat the servants and to eat and drink and get drunk.” I was profoundly struck when I heard my placement incumbent suggest that the obsession with eating and drinking around Christmas is a form of (false) worship. We are to rejoice and celebrate – but not in and for itself.

Another temptation is to despair – the seed that has fallen but whose life is choked out by life’s worries – the ones who don’t mature (Luke 8:14). Jesus himself says, “³⁴ “Be careful, or your hearts will be weighed down with carousing, drunkenness and the anxieties of life, and that day will close on you suddenly like a trap. ³⁵ For it will come on all those who live on the face of the whole earth.” (Luke 21:34f.)

So what are we to do? How are we to use Advent as a time to reflect on our personal need of a Saviour, but also a time to look for God’s return?

Jesus says:

²⁸ When these things begin to take place, stand up and lift up your heads, because your redemption is drawing near.”

Praise God! We are called to worship!

³³ Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away.

Be Confident! We are promised His continued presence.

³⁶ Be always on the watch, and pray that you may be able to escape all that is about to happen, and that you may be able to stand before the Son of Man.”

Watch and pray! We are called to wake up!

 

And yet…let us be reminded of the great Advent prayer: Come, Lord Jesus!

We are not praying that we might be better able to effect God’s kingdom – we look for God to move. This is why the words of Isaiah are so redolent:

“Awake, awake, arm of the Lord,

    clothe yourself with strength!

Awake, as in days gone by,

    as in generations of old.” (Isaiah 51:9)

 

May we all, this Advent, be awoken to worship and prayer.

May we all, this Advent, cry together, “Lord Jesus, Come!”

Me, Advent and Fasting

I've realised that it's no good trying to be profound: it stifles creativity and honesty.

So instead, I'm simply going to start writing about Advent and me. And I'm going to try and be brief. Try.

So it's Thursday 4th December and I've found an enormous freedom this week as I've decided to take more seriously the ancient approach to Advent of abstinence. I had already decided some time ago to do this as I've been growing more and more angry and the commercialisation of the three months leading up to Christmas. To be fair to the church we do try and resist the lure of putting all our eggs in the Christmas basket (despite Easter being the time for baskets and mythical lapine-speaking figures).

The church, however, has long forgotten the full liturgical meaning of Advent, and even those who try to reclaim some of the austere anticipatory character of the season tend to do so in terms of Christmas - it's all about learning why we needed Jesus to come in the first instance, which is a better intention than merely pretending we're Israelites awaiting our Messiah.

Advent is best understood in the urgent prayer: Thy Kingdom Come.

Now yes, this prayer is about the manifest need in our present situations to seek God's rule and reign: in our marriages, relationships, at work, in our churches, and yes in society at large.

But when we use the Paternoster phrase, 'Thy Kingdom Come', we are also joining in that great Advent cry: Come down O Lord! Rend the heavens! It is an excited, feverish cry that God would come and consummate this world and transform it. We are called to look eagerly for that day.

So...in an attempt to clear away some of the personal garbage, to fix my eyes on Jesus, I have sought to fast. And I would that other Christians would more readily use this ancient discipline.

So far I have committed to two fasts:
1. To refrain from Caffeine and Chocolate throughout Advent, and
2. To do a Benedictine Fast on a Wednesday and Friday - to only eat an evening meal.

I have also refrained from Music and background noise on the Wednesday and Friday.

I'm considering a series of other fasts; no media for instance (I wake every morning to depressing news).

Fasting is not a lever we pull to curry favour with God - ha! if only it were that simple. Never forget God already favours us!

No...for me, fasting is an attempt to find the real me, to pull back from unhealthy habits, to develop that oft-missing discipline of self-control, to still the turmoil, to find God. I'm partly grateful by dint of sheer circumstance that Jen (my wife) and I haven't yet done any 'Christmas Shopping', nor put up any decorations/listened to any Christmas music. There is definitely a sense of joy deferred at present, which isn't necessarily pleasant. Furthermore, Jen is 31 weeks pregnant, so perhaps it's not a season to be getting wrapped up in life's externals...

Alongside the lectionary readings, from Revelation and Isaiah this week, there is a need to intentionally look to developing a closer walk with God.

I should say that it's the fifth day of Advent and today's the first day the caffeine-headaches haven't been too bad...I've deliberately embraced herbal teas as an alternative - maybe I'll stick with them post Advent. Fasting costs something...it should.

On Monday I was excited to read an excellent piece in the London Evening Standard about Advent and the need for more delayed gratification. I applaud that piece.

Last Friday I was quite convicted concerning Black Friday, I had been reading Revelation 18 and 19 and there is the plaintive cry: "Come out of her, my people, so that you will not share in her sins" (Rev 18:4).

Tonight we read in Matthew 13:1-23 the parable of the Sower (the Seed) and its interpretation.

I just can't help feeling, as I think about my walk with God, that I am all too frequently choked by "the worries of this life and the deceitfulness of wealth" (Matt. 13:22 NIV).

We are so often beguiled by the mega-narratives of our age: what constitutes happiness, what constitutes beauty, what constitutes spirituality...and so often these are false gods.

It is my personal prayer that this Advent, accepting the need to prepare for the feast of Christmas, and the need to remember my need of Christ's first coming, through prayer, fasting and time in God's word I might be come back to my first love (Rev 2:4): that I might Come out and be with God, just as I reinvigorate my cry for God to Come into my life, and come to redeem the world.

Ascensiontide 2014 - Day 1 - LOVE

I wrote about Love three years ago and I still think it's incredibly relevant...

Funnily enough, I read only in the last 48 hours something deeply personal which coincides with my wrong attitude to love. My brilliant wife is incredibly patient with me...but I confess I sometimes get my priorities all wrong. Particularly as a husband. My wife wisely sent me some links to online material. The Christian stuff was all aimed at husbands...and it hurt. Because it's true. You may not appreciate the tone, the rather old-fashioned view of marriage...and that's okay. But it worked for me, and it might for you, regardless of context.

The essential message is simple: love is about self-giving sacrifice. That is what TRUE love is all about.

As I approach Pentecost 2014, I am longing for the Spirit to transform me into a more loving man.

Here's a link to what I read...there are five sections. The first is on love. Take from a piece by Tony Evans.

Ascentiontide...God's kingdom: Our character

I am known for my peculiar affection for seasons; the weather seasons in the UK (or at least the seasons we should have), but also the liturgical seasons. Some seasons are widely observed: Lent, Advent and Easter (in that order I should add). But there are other, less formal, seasons that excite me.

So...allow me to speak up for the 'season' of Ascensiontide.

Ascension Day baffles many, mostly because there is that tension of seeking to commemorate an actual event (Jesus going to heaven, quite whatever that means), while also celebrating the paradox of Jesus at the right hand of the Father, while also being present everywhere as King of the universe with his people in every place and every age. There's also the fact it's always on a Thursday and never quite gets the press it deserves.

So, naturally, Ascensiontide, the period between Ascension Day and Pentecost, might be expected to focus on these themes. Ascension Day is 40 days after Easter, and Pentecost (note the Pent- part of the word, as in five) is 50 days. There are, therefore, nine days between the two Holy Days.

However, I think the fact there are nine days is "almost too good to be true."

There are nine fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

How perfect is that?

As we consider Christ in glory, as King of the universe, we also look for signs of His kingdom here on earth. We pray (daily some of us) 'your kingdom come', which is as much about the present day, as that long awaited triumphant return. But as I look for signs of Christ's rule I am simultaneously looking for Christ's character, for he will rule as He is. And the Spirit comes in order to transform us more into Christ's likeness. Do you see the beauty?

As we meditate on His Ascension we are forced to petition the Spirit for a fresh anointing, a renewal, a transformation of our character to more accurately resemble our Risen Lord. Pentecost is a perfect conclusion to a micro-season of celebrating Christ's attributes as seen in the fruit, while reflecting on ways in which we need more of the fruit.

I accept that there is no way we can seriously reduce Jesus' character to nine attributes; it is admittedly artificial. Yet, the nine fruits of the spirit are an excellent framework, not only of Christ's character, nor only of a Christian's character, but in fact these values will be the foundational principles of God's kingdom when he comes. When we seek to be more loving, joyful, good, faithful...etc...we aren't seeking self-improvement, or more Christ-likeness (though these things occur) we are becoming the very answers to our prayer: 'May Your kingdom come...'

Ta da!!!!

Sounds cool, eh?

I invite you to spend a portion of each day leading up to Pentecost to reflect on each of the fruits, praying that you might better understand a) where the fruit speaks of Christ's life and passion, b) where in our own life we need more of that fruit, and c) how God's kingdom will be seen around us as we all seek more of these values.

Practically...and I hope this isn't too obvious here's the list (with the dates for 2014 in brackets):

Day 1 LOVE (Friday 30 May)
Day 2 JOY (Saturday 31 May)
Day 3 PEACE (Sunday 1 June)
Day 4 PATIENCE (Monday 2 June)
Day 5 KINDNESS (Tuesday 3 June)
Day 6 GOODNESS (Wednesday 4 June)
Day 7 FAITHFULNESS (Thursday 5 June)
Day 8 GENTLENESS (Friday 6 June)
Day 9 SELF-CONTROL (Saturday 7 June)

I hope you enjoy this if you do it. I'll be blogging each day. When I've written the blog I'll also create a hyperlink from this list too - so you need only come back here to find a link to every day's reflections.


Finally, I need to formally acknowledge John Methuen who wrote, in 2001, a paper for the Ripon Cathedral Liturgy and Music group from which I discovered this approach to Ascensiontide.

Ask...go on ask

If I'm honest I really don't pray like I think my prayers will be answered. Honestly.

If you asked me why I pray...well...I would talk a lot about adoration, about thanksgiving, I might even refer to prayers of relinquishment and prayers for internal, individual strength...and I do, in fact, have a little 'shopping list' in my prayer book, which prompts me to pray for my wife, my son (yes! I do even need to be reminded of this), my own needs, other people, events that are coming up, and work.

But as I consider the meaning of Rogation Days I am perplexed: when I ask for things from God, do I expect my prayers to be answered?

When I ask God to heal a friend's marriage,
or when I ask God to provide a buyer for my house,
or when I ask God to be with my non-Christian family...

...do I expect God to answer this?

More generally, I feel it is important God knows my mind, that I exhibit faithfulness and trust in his sovereignty, but do I believe the verses we're asked to read in Luke:

"So I say to you, Ask, and it will be given you; search, and you will find; knock, and the door will be opened for you. For everyone who asks receives, and everyone who searches finds, and for everyone who knocks, the door will be opened." (Luke 11:9f. NRSV)

It feels like a pretty foundational question, really...

There is so much vagueness in our prayers, so much 'if it be your will' hand-wringing, that I worry we have lost the confidence to, persistently (which is as much about relationship as petitioning) pray.

On Rogation day we pray for the land, for commerce and industry, for the environment and creation. We don't have the same panicked relationship with God our ancestors may have done who saw weather as a sign of divine blessing. Have we lost some connection with our circumstances that has dulled our sense of dependence. For it is not merely our prayers that are ineffective if not in accord with God's will, but our very lives:

"Abide in me...because apart from me you can do nothing" (John 15:5)

As we look to a future that is one of ordination and priesthood, and as we make practical arrangements for the move away from Bradford, the question isn't so much 'will God answer my prayers?' (although I hope he will), but 'will I persist in my relationship with God, will I abide, will I knock, seek and ask?'

Me, my calling, and a season of change

I believe God is calling me to be a priest.

Weird?!

Despite a life of ministry, leadership, and working for the church I've been taking seriously the nagging sense that God actually wants me to serve as a vicar.

But what does this mean? How have I been testing this call? And what's around the corner?

I'll deal with the last question first...

What's coming around the corner

In three weeks time I will be attending a BAP. That's a Bishops' Advisory Panel, which is a 48 hour residential where 'candidates' go to test their vocation to be ordained in the Church of England. My friend, Bryony, has written a brilliant blog on what her experience of a BAP was like. It also helpfully explains the activities, which I won't reproduce here. The BAP examines me and will make a decision whether or not to recommend me for training (Nb. it's not a recommendation for ordination as such...just that I should be allowed to train in the hope they let me get ordained, although in practice it's generally one and the same thing). I might not get recommended, but I am confident that God is calling me.

Like Bryony, I'm going to Shallowford, which is a retreat house.

My BAP date is 28th-30th April.

The BAP comes at the end of a LONG process that has been going on locally; a discernment process in which I and others examine my sense of calling. It is a season of testing.

How have I been testing this call

Since April 2013 I have been under the supervision of what's called a Diocesan Director of Ordinands (or DDO for short). An 'ordinand' (by the way) is a candidate for ordination: a trainee priest. My DDO, Ann, has been amazing. She has the difficult task of working with me to discern my sense of calling to a vocation as a priest.

However, before I saw my DDO, and for many years prior, I has already been sensing God calling me. Often folk in church (and lots not in church too) would say to me things like 'You'd be a great vicar' or 'have you thought about being a vicar'...or words to that effect. Alongside my own sense of God's voice calling me, these external voices have been encouraging and haven't stopped. Even in the last fortnight I've had people affirm my sense of vocation. People see something in me, which I must admit I sometimes don't!

After all these friendly voices, I've then chatted to vicars themselves. Mostly, my old vicar, Denise, from St Augustine's in Bradford, but after joining Pudsey Parish Church I've been chatting and exploring my calling with the vicar, Paul.

With approval and encouragement from these 'professionals' I was referred to see the DDO.

Well...actually...that's not strictly true.

The Diocese (the geographical patch under the care of a Bishop) through my DDO already knew me and my background, including a significant bereavement, so they suggested I see a counsellor for a season, which ended up lasting a year. The counselling also included Jen, my wife. This was enormously important for us. It helped us work through baggage and emotional trauma from our past, whilst also examining our behaviours, individually and as a couple, and what we might need to do to protect ourselves from the ravages of stress, pressure in ministry, and the need to balance our work-home arrangements. I would recommend everyone spend some time with a counsellor, simply to help you make space to 'know thyself'.

Only after our counsellor felt it appropriate did the Diocese consider testing my vocation in any depth. Please don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting the counsellor had to sign me off as having a 'clean bill of health' but that I was emotionally ready and able to withstand some of the pressures the discernment process might throw up, and some that might come in ministry.

In April 2013, I met my DDO for the first time. Since then we have met regularly to discuss different aspects of ministry, examine my experience and knowledge of the requirements and expectations of ordinands...

Within this process there's been other 'stuff' too...
- I wrote a biography of my life, including all the significant events.
- I produced an overview of my spiritual journey, which referenced much of my biographical material but examined how my relationship with God and my spirituality and faith have grown
- I wrote reflections on all nine of the criteria (there's a summary of the nine criteria here)
- Started meeting with a Spiritual Director, who I will continue to see
- I have had interviews at potential theological colleges, which included application forms
- 'Ministry Assessments': three separate interviews with local vicars who I didn't know. These were gruelling and threw up some surprising observations about my character and understanding.
- Meeting with the Bishop to discuss the assessments, and consider their concerns

Then there's a whole heap of preparation for the BAP itself...
- The multi-paged Registration Form
- Reflection on some aspect of mission (500-750 words)
- Prepare my BAP Presentation
- There were also FOUR references to be obtained (so not technically my work, but chewing over their content has been testing emotionally...it's so hard to read how other people perceive your strengths and weaknesses)
- Visit a counsellor for a pre-BAP session, in which we consider what might happen if I do not get recommended.
- Finally, Ann, my DDO, completes a lengthy 'Sponsoring Papers' in which she offers her observations

Phew!....

I hope you get the sense of how rigorous and thorough this process has been.

Alongside all this, we're also trying to sell our house and raise a three year old...

I feel enormous respect for ANYONE who puts themselves through this process (and I should add that my description is peculiar to me...different people may have a different journey, and different dioceses will have a variable approach...)

So what?

I've been asked today what effect this process has had on my relationship with God.

I cannot hope to explain in full the impact this season of discernment has had on my life. Right at the outset, two years ago, when I first chatted to the Bishop, he explained that I would come to realise that the process was good in and of itself. I was, at the time, uncertain what he meant. But looking back over the last two years I can honestly say I feel closer to God and my family, clearer in my understanding of what a priest is and how my individual constellation of gifts, experiences and personality fits me for that role. I am so much more comfortable in my skin - happier with what is good and determined to tackle my weaknesses. My prayer life is richer and more settled. My reading and thinking life has gone into hyperdrive - and I love it!

And yet, strangely, I am far more convinced of my non-vicar duties than before. God has been teaching me that ordained ministry aside, I am the only person on this planet called and equipped to be Husband to Jen, and Father to Elijah. No-one else is called to these unique roles. Only me.

Which is a profoundly exciting and scary realisation.

The whole thing has brought me closer to my wife and son.

But better still closer to God. And in that deepening intimacy, I have come to know myself better. I am able to be me with courage.

You?

So why did I bother to write all this down.

Chiefly, I want to let people know that I have this BAP coming. And I would welcome your prayers. I will need them. I want God's will to be done.

The 'results' will be known a week and a half after I get back, and naturally I am praying God is calling me to train for ordained ministry.

However, if I get a no, I am at peace about this too. For I have grown in this process and would know that I have a loving God and a loving family/friends around me to help make sense of the outcome.

And, finally, I will still say the prayer that has become my 'mantra' by Igantius of Loyola

Teach us, good Lord, to serve you as you deserve;

 to give and not to count the cost;

 to fight and not to heed the wounds;

 to toil and not to seek for rest;

 to labour and not to seek for any reward,

 save that of knowing that we do your will.

AMEN.

WISDOM AND FORGIVENESS

This is something I wrote quite a while ago, February 2007, clearly during Lent, and with the same readings we had for our Main office today: Jonah 3, and Luke 11:29-32.
I'm not sure I agree with myself, albeit a 27 year old version, but the sentiment is clear.


Luke 11:29-32

The Ninevites & Jonah: The Queen of Sheba & Solomon

Here Jesus holds up as examples, Jonah and Solomon.

One represents repentance, the other wisdom.

Jonah is understood to our modern ears almost exclusively as the reluctant prophet swallowed by a ‘whale’. Through rose-tinted glasses we wistfully recall Sunday School lesson that latched onto this most peculiar of stories to convince us that God is exciting, that God isn’t boring, but cool and…wait for it…funny!

Sadly this pre-occupation with the first chapter of Jonah fails to give credence to the sweep of the story, which moves through reluctance-disobedience-realisation-repentance-acceptance-frustration.

The fish is used by God to discipline Jonah.

However, Jesus uses Jonah to demonstrate to his hearers the need to not look for excitement and miracles. The crowd is swelling and crushing in on Jesus, for what purpose? To see this miracle-worker. Jonah is already miraculous enough, he's already a sign for them.

Jesus sensing their voyeurism speaks out, pointing them to true wisdom: the need for humility and repentance.

Indeed, so obvious is this truth that Jonah will speak out against that generation of listeners waiting for the next miracle, clamouring around Jesus.

And Jonah will speak out against us too. When we clamour for God to reveal himself, to prove himself - Jonah is a voice against us too.

Where is wisdom to be sought? Is it in the charismatic worship services full of praise and passion?

NO.

Wisdom is found on our knees before our creator, humbling lifting our hands in petition for our sins, clothed in sackcloth and ash. We are not to seek miracles (although they are God’s handiwork), we are not to seek signs and wonders (although they point to God’s majesty).

Until, as one, we cry out to God for ourselves, our families, our churches, our nation, our world; until then we will not know true wisdom.

It isn’t just Jonah who’ll testify against us, but The Queen of Sheba too.

She sought wisdom and was led to God’s anointed king.

We like her must seek God’s anointed king, Jesus. In him alone is their wisdom and truth to prepare us for the world, and only He can bring us to repentance.

And yet, here’s the remarkable thing; He is greater by far than both these heroes.

Jesus isn’t only the one who will bring us to repentance; He is the source of our repentance and forgiveness. He isn’t merely a mouthpiece communicating God’s forgiveness; He IS forgiveness. His blood cleanses us.

Jesus isn’t a wise man, He isn’t full of wisdom; he IS wisdom.

To seek Jesus is hunger for wisdom and forgiveness.

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As I said above, I'm not sure I agree anymore that Wisdom (i.e. Jesus) can't be found in worship (of whatever style). But I do think we should be wary of coming to worship, particularly the more dramatic styles, with the desire for signs and wonders as an end in themselves. We come to worship in order to hear God speak, to encounter the Living Christ, through Word and Sacrament, Prayer and Song.