Further Education a significant opportunity or forgotten sector?

The Church of England has launched a new vision, Vocation, Transformation & Hope, for engagement with Further Education (FE). This is great news. I was an FE Chaplain from 2010-13, though I remained in the sector until 2015 advising colleges in the north of England about faith provision.

Since then I have trained for ordination and am now coming to the end of my curacy in Leeds.

But hearing the news this morning (1 May) has unsettled me a little as, and I'm honestly not exaggerating for effect here, last night (30 April) I was clearing through paperwork - imagining that I might be organised and tidied up before moving to my new post - and I found a reflection on FE written by me for my discernment process. 

Having not seen it for at least SEVEN years, I'm amazed I found it as the national church has launched a new vision for FE. It still feels current.

Reflection on Further Education

I had the privilege of being a Further Education College Chaplain for three years. Over time I came to identify four main aspects of my work: policy development; encouraging and facilitating a faith presence; offering pedagogical (teaching in class) input; and pastoral work. These four Ps became my framework of understanding. It was relatively straightforward explaining these motifs to managers and tutors. More Christian models were less accessible to staff. For example, Priest, Pastor and Prophet were three hats Chaplains were encouraged to wear, but how do you legitimise your presence by reference to these terms?

Not that I wasn't these things. The pastoring aspect of Chaplaincy is a common thread in all sectors and styles of chaplaincy. We exist to be the hands of Christ. The third mark of mission speaks of 'responding to human need by loving service.' FE pastoral work meets the joys and griefs of life - student deaths were a common occurrence. But counselling and listening to staff met a desperate human hunger -  to be seen as a person, not a cog in a machine. These conversations often unveiled unacknowledged injustices across the college, which had to be addressed. In so doing, becoming a prophetic voice, I found myself seeking to transform the culture of the college, challenging bullying and seeking peace, all of which falls under the fourth mark of mission. I had to challenge homophobic bullying as a natural part of this mission.

The priestly nature of chaplaincy was a mystery to me for some time. I was complaining about being described as 'The College Nice Guy' to a colleague, who insistently retorted, "do you know how few nice guys there are in college?"  Encouraging though this was, I was still left unhappy that my 'being there' could be considered 'chaplaincy.' It was this guilt that caused me to pour too much effort into policy development, acting as a de facto Equality Manager. It gave me credibility, but was, essentially, a sell out to the culture of productivity. Until I read something in Being a Priest Today (Cocksworth & Brown, 2006):

"When people brush up against the holy they are never quite the same afterwards...they have met someone who stands for another world, a different set of values that are strangely compelling...In this person something of the divine could be sensed, and it felt good to be in touch with such deep reserves of affirmation and love."

The first mark of mission is about proclaiming the good news, which on one level was strictly prohibited to me. I was expressly forbidden from proselytising (seeking to convert). But Chaplains are physical signs of God's grace. We are flesh and blood examples of Christian love and service, and even when we were simply available, present, our nature and character had an impact, a felt impact, on the college.

But when speaking of 'The College' to Christian leaders I was often met with overwhelming ignorance about the size and scope of the sector. Despite the presence of nearly 400 colleges in the UK, three million people learning in them, with nearly double the number of 16-18 year olds choosing college of maintained schools, FE barely registers on the radar of churches. Some Boards of Education don't even reference it.

And not only FE, but chaplaincy too. Chaplains are parodied as 'vicars that can't cut it,' or a soft option for the bruised and battered. Whereas FE Chaplaincy required emotional resilience, creativity, a passion for young people, and flexibility.

Unfortunately, I was released from the College's employ after a three year pilot. This was a rare institution appointment (I wasn't employed by the church to be chaplain), but couldn't withstand the current economic climate. This precarious presence in FE is not uncommon. Individual chaplains come and go, usually because the individual in post was a local enthusiast or a short term paid post. The church should reconsider its chaplaincy priorities, helping church congregations understand more about FE, its impact on the local economy and community potential, while also seeking to release more individuals into this exciting, effervescent and youthful work. And, after all, we are scratching our heads about missional work with young people/adults - a more intentional focus on FE might surprising results.

Me, my calling, and a season of change

I believe God is calling me to be a priest.

Weird?!

Despite a life of ministry, leadership, and working for the church I've been taking seriously the nagging sense that God actually wants me to serve as a vicar.

But what does this mean? How have I been testing this call? And what's around the corner?

I'll deal with the last question first...

What's coming around the corner

In three weeks time I will be attending a BAP. That's a Bishops' Advisory Panel, which is a 48 hour residential where 'candidates' go to test their vocation to be ordained in the Church of England. My friend, Bryony, has written a brilliant blog on what her experience of a BAP was like. It also helpfully explains the activities, which I won't reproduce here. The BAP examines me and will make a decision whether or not to recommend me for training (Nb. it's not a recommendation for ordination as such...just that I should be allowed to train in the hope they let me get ordained, although in practice it's generally one and the same thing). I might not get recommended, but I am confident that God is calling me.

Like Bryony, I'm going to Shallowford, which is a retreat house.

My BAP date is 28th-30th April.

The BAP comes at the end of a LONG process that has been going on locally; a discernment process in which I and others examine my sense of calling. It is a season of testing.

How have I been testing this call

Since April 2013 I have been under the supervision of what's called a Diocesan Director of Ordinands (or DDO for short). An 'ordinand' (by the way) is a candidate for ordination: a trainee priest. My DDO, Ann, has been amazing. She has the difficult task of working with me to discern my sense of calling to a vocation as a priest.

However, before I saw my DDO, and for many years prior, I has already been sensing God calling me. Often folk in church (and lots not in church too) would say to me things like 'You'd be a great vicar' or 'have you thought about being a vicar'...or words to that effect. Alongside my own sense of God's voice calling me, these external voices have been encouraging and haven't stopped. Even in the last fortnight I've had people affirm my sense of vocation. People see something in me, which I must admit I sometimes don't!

After all these friendly voices, I've then chatted to vicars themselves. Mostly, my old vicar, Denise, from St Augustine's in Bradford, but after joining Pudsey Parish Church I've been chatting and exploring my calling with the vicar, Paul.

With approval and encouragement from these 'professionals' I was referred to see the DDO.

Well...actually...that's not strictly true.

The Diocese (the geographical patch under the care of a Bishop) through my DDO already knew me and my background, including a significant bereavement, so they suggested I see a counsellor for a season, which ended up lasting a year. The counselling also included Jen, my wife. This was enormously important for us. It helped us work through baggage and emotional trauma from our past, whilst also examining our behaviours, individually and as a couple, and what we might need to do to protect ourselves from the ravages of stress, pressure in ministry, and the need to balance our work-home arrangements. I would recommend everyone spend some time with a counsellor, simply to help you make space to 'know thyself'.

Only after our counsellor felt it appropriate did the Diocese consider testing my vocation in any depth. Please don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting the counsellor had to sign me off as having a 'clean bill of health' but that I was emotionally ready and able to withstand some of the pressures the discernment process might throw up, and some that might come in ministry.

In April 2013, I met my DDO for the first time. Since then we have met regularly to discuss different aspects of ministry, examine my experience and knowledge of the requirements and expectations of ordinands...

Within this process there's been other 'stuff' too...
- I wrote a biography of my life, including all the significant events.
- I produced an overview of my spiritual journey, which referenced much of my biographical material but examined how my relationship with God and my spirituality and faith have grown
- I wrote reflections on all nine of the criteria (there's a summary of the nine criteria here)
- Started meeting with a Spiritual Director, who I will continue to see
- I have had interviews at potential theological colleges, which included application forms
- 'Ministry Assessments': three separate interviews with local vicars who I didn't know. These were gruelling and threw up some surprising observations about my character and understanding.
- Meeting with the Bishop to discuss the assessments, and consider their concerns

Then there's a whole heap of preparation for the BAP itself...
- The multi-paged Registration Form
- Reflection on some aspect of mission (500-750 words)
- Prepare my BAP Presentation
- There were also FOUR references to be obtained (so not technically my work, but chewing over their content has been testing emotionally...it's so hard to read how other people perceive your strengths and weaknesses)
- Visit a counsellor for a pre-BAP session, in which we consider what might happen if I do not get recommended.
- Finally, Ann, my DDO, completes a lengthy 'Sponsoring Papers' in which she offers her observations

Phew!....

I hope you get the sense of how rigorous and thorough this process has been.

Alongside all this, we're also trying to sell our house and raise a three year old...

I feel enormous respect for ANYONE who puts themselves through this process (and I should add that my description is peculiar to me...different people may have a different journey, and different dioceses will have a variable approach...)

So what?

I've been asked today what effect this process has had on my relationship with God.

I cannot hope to explain in full the impact this season of discernment has had on my life. Right at the outset, two years ago, when I first chatted to the Bishop, he explained that I would come to realise that the process was good in and of itself. I was, at the time, uncertain what he meant. But looking back over the last two years I can honestly say I feel closer to God and my family, clearer in my understanding of what a priest is and how my individual constellation of gifts, experiences and personality fits me for that role. I am so much more comfortable in my skin - happier with what is good and determined to tackle my weaknesses. My prayer life is richer and more settled. My reading and thinking life has gone into hyperdrive - and I love it!

And yet, strangely, I am far more convinced of my non-vicar duties than before. God has been teaching me that ordained ministry aside, I am the only person on this planet called and equipped to be Husband to Jen, and Father to Elijah. No-one else is called to these unique roles. Only me.

Which is a profoundly exciting and scary realisation.

The whole thing has brought me closer to my wife and son.

But better still closer to God. And in that deepening intimacy, I have come to know myself better. I am able to be me with courage.

You?

So why did I bother to write all this down.

Chiefly, I want to let people know that I have this BAP coming. And I would welcome your prayers. I will need them. I want God's will to be done.

The 'results' will be known a week and a half after I get back, and naturally I am praying God is calling me to train for ordained ministry.

However, if I get a no, I am at peace about this too. For I have grown in this process and would know that I have a loving God and a loving family/friends around me to help make sense of the outcome.

And, finally, I will still say the prayer that has become my 'mantra' by Igantius of Loyola

Teach us, good Lord, to serve you as you deserve;

 to give and not to count the cost;

 to fight and not to heed the wounds;

 to toil and not to seek for rest;

 to labour and not to seek for any reward,

 save that of knowing that we do your will.

AMEN.

Pray for the House of Laity

I am personally distressed and upset for the hundreds of female clergy who have felt their vocation somehow undermined by tonight's General Synod vote. You can read about the outcome here.

It's fair to say that as I listened to the live stream of the results I was frustrated and angry at what seemed to be such a stupid decision...and I let my emotions get the better of me; I tweeted:

Failed...and it's all on laity! Personally, house of Laity...hang your bloody heads in shame! IN SHAME! #synod
— Rolf Mason (@rolf_mason) November 20, 2012

And I'm not alone. In fact, as I've followed the #synod hashtag this evening the vast majority of those commenting are disappointed, for a whole range of issues.

However, I don't want to offer any particular analysis for now. I think lots of anger has been expressed, including from me.

But one comment on Twitter did make me stop, and that was that we need to love the House of Laity more, not less right now. Very true.

As I sat to prepare myself for cell tonight, I completed the Evening Office, which at this time of the year (All Saints to Advent) is the last season and is so positioned as to be adjacent to the additional material for daily prayer, which includes PRAYERS FOR THE UNITY OF THE CHURCH.

Ouch!

But I felt compelled to pray them.

Ouch!

I think it is incredibly important the church is somehow able to remember that we are one in Christ, despite our differences, and that we must seek for all that builds our unity...to be peacemakers.

Of course, we often say that when we have mild disagreements, or the decisions we need to make are somehow notional or far off...

Tonight's decision is very present, very real, and very sad.

Which is why we must not rely on ourselves, but turn to God, asking him to help us.

Here's the opening prayer...maybe you would join me in praying it?

O God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
our only Saviour, the Prince of Peace:
give us grace seriously to lay to heart
the great dangers we are in by our unhappy divisions.
Take away all hatred and prejudice,
and whatever else may hinder us
from godly union and concord;
that, as there is but one body and one Spirit,
one hope of our calling,
one Lord, one faith, one baptism,
one God and Father of us all,
so we may henceforth be all of one heart and of one soul,
united in one holy bond of peace, of faith and charity,
and may with one mind and one mouth glorify you;
through Jesus Christ our Lord.

What's a priest? (Hebrews - Day 21)

Sermons are tricky beasts...they can get away from you sometimes. And with the kindest respect to our vicar, Paul, I think his sermon back in October on Hebrews 7:23-28 rather got away from him. As I've read back through my notes of the sermon, and as I re-read the passage I'm forced to conclude he tried to say too much..breaking my personal rule that a sermon should be summarisable in one sentence (see here for a rather brutal critique of a service I attended).

I think Paul was trying to summarise a number of Hebrews-related themes:
1. The High Priest
2. Sacrifice
3. Sin
4. Exaltation and Acension

Now as it happens I've already picked up the theme of ascension in Hebrews here. And I've spoken about sacrifice here, amongst other references. And sin get's an expose in other places too. (This is why it's useful to do a journey through the book - not an edited highlights approach of the lectionary)

This then leaves us with the High Priesthood to consider.

(It's certainly worth saying at this point that I have, as someone who is seriously interested in ordination, found this study of Hebrews very helpful in deepening my understanding of the priestly function of a vicar...who's other main functions might be seen as pastor and prophet...or is that chaplaincy?...)

It's worth, while we're thinking about Priests to pause and consider what Hebrews notes they do:
- They represent the people (Heb 5:1) and in a sense vicars do still do that. They are not mediators - Hebrews streses this later in the letter - Jesus is the only mediator. But priests stand alongside people, almost like a union rep, petitioning and standing up for them.
- Intercessions (Heb 7:25): we see Jesus in heaven offering prayers for us, and so priests on earth would be expected to do the same.

- Sacrifices...perhaps of praise (Hebrews 5:1; 13:15), but also the role of our priests is to preside at communion which is an enactment of Christ's sacrifice. They are recounting the passion of Christ.
- Gifts: I think priests do unlock our potential and talents, but they also practically receive and offer to God our monetary offerings (Heb 5:1)
- Pastoring (Heb 5:2) is part of being a priest - like Jesus the shepherd - where the ignorant and those going astray are cared for by the priest.
- Worship (Heb 8:1-2) is part of making God present to us. We are brought more consciously into the very throne room of God when our priests lead us in worship of God.

But Hebrews makes it very clear that Jesus is a FAR superior High Priest to those who served in the Tabernacle, or in the Temple.

In these six verses in Hebrews 7:23-28 we review six ways in which Jesus is shown as totally adequate to meet our needs:

Hebrews 7	Jesus	The High Priests
v.23	One	Many
v.24	Permanent	Temporary
v.25	Saves completely	Saves incompletely
v.26	Holy, blameless, pure, set apart, exalted	Earthly, sinful, profane
v.27	Once-for-all	Repeated
v.28	Perfect	Weak

There is only one JESUS, but he is totally sufficient.

Our response?

Come to Jesus, through God (Heb 7:25) and he WILL save you completely. That's a promise!