"We spend most of our lives conjugating three verbs: to want, to have
and to do. But none of these verbs has any ultimate significance until it is
transcended by and included in the fundamental verb - to be."
Evelyn Underhill
Today is the commemoration of Evelyn Underhill in the lectionary, a woman I knew very little about, but realised that I have encountered her name recently. Richard Foster devotes a chapter in his excellent spiritual disciplines' guide, Spiritual Classics, to her. While I have limited time to write on her life and works (although an impressively erudite entry on wikipedia is not a bad place to start), I am deeply inspired by the entry Foster puts in, including two 'discussion' questions, and three suggested exercises (this, by the way, is why I love Foster's writing so much - he is so practical).
Underhill writes,
"The tendency of all worship...shows how strong a pull is needed to
neutralize the anthropocentric trend of the human mind; its intense
preoccupation with the world of succession, and its own here-and now desires and
needs"
I find this so encouraging, as someone who loves worship. Often I've heard people suggest worship is a wasteful distraction from the task of evangelising, being Jesus to the world. I've often agreed; after all, worship will continue in heaven for ever, so I've often assumed it is one of the pleasant foretastes of the hereafter.
However, Underhill challenges me to accept that worship itself is a prerequisite if I desire to draw close to God, for I am (by nature) focused almost entirely on my needs, wishes and dreams. I am selfish - my daily sins highlight this acutely. Worship then is not purely about adoration (although this is a valid element - giving God the glory that's his), nor is it about the pleasant feelings, the rush/thrill of the Spirit (although this too has value in assuring us of God's presence with us), but worship thrusts us into the heart of God - it works, gracefully, by helping me unclasp my heart, and reach out to touch God's.
When I consider Foster's question about obstacles to worship I can think of many, but one in particular comes to mind: my critical spirit. I am constantly thinking about the music, the sound, the band, the singers, the arrangement, the volume, the fact I'm not playing, the fact I think what is being done is poor...when the truth - the bare truth - is that I am not being hindered in my worship by anything externally, but purely as a result of my arrogance.
God is not a God to be denied access because the songs are played too slow, or too fast. For certain some music when done badly is an unhelpful distraction, but I must learn how to attend to God, in his glory at any time and any where, in any circumstance. The point being that 'times of worship' are a blessing for I've made the space in my busy life to worship God, and in so doing be changed. I choose to not worship when I'm like this.
When I think of favourite times of worship however I am reminded, often, of St Aldates and the experience of being both a musician and worshipper at the same time. I ahve often enjoyed return trips as it's refreshed my spirit. In all honesty it might simply have been the thrill of standing with so many other worshippers - where your voice simply blends with others, or is unnoticed if it drops out to silently pray. Songs that move me to tears.
But I am also acutely aware of the time after our daughter died, when singing was impossible - words were too hard to sing. Being stood with other worshippers was the difference. My wife and I chose to stand in the congregation, even when we couldn't bring ourselves to join in, partly through a sense of anger at God, sometimes we were overcome with emotion.
I still long for times of worship in church that are dramatically uplifting, where the music and the congregation come together to produce a sound that is by nature beautifully worshipful. I still long for extended worship, where there's space for me to simply receive from God's spirit as I'm stood in his presence - worship is our attempt to welcome him in. For sure he's with us always, but oh, how pleasant it is when he comes and moves amongst a congregation.
Evelyn Underhill was a mystic - looking constantly for ways in which we might better appreciate the beauty around us - to seek God's presence - to seek a profound 'union' with Him. I long for the daily pursuit of this presence.
I shall in the meantime, worship with fresh vision - looking for God alone, and doing so in the hope it might make me more into his Son.
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